Post by Leaf on Jan 22, 2012 14:36:33 GMT -5
So, this is for my English final and I just want some feedback. Title suggestions would be nice, too. Enjoy~!
WE were heading somewhere fun. That’s really all I knew. One of my friends, Nora, suggested that we go somewhere during summer break. I think she mentioned something like a seaside cottage, but that doesn’t matter. What matters was that she was going to take us somewhere in her car and that we all piled into that car. There were three of us: her, Bri, and I.
We were all good friends, so time didn’t seem to matter as we joked around in the car and did other stupid things that friends do. In fact, we were having so much fun that we didn’t see that we had gotten off the main road. We didn’t even notice the thickening fog.
Nora, who was driving, was the first to notice that something was off. After all, she was the one that was supposed to know where to go.
“I don’t really know where we are...” she mumbled as she squinted her eyes to peer through the fog.
“Turn on the GPS,” I piped in.
“Already did,” Nora said as she tossed the small machine to the back seats; “it’s not working.”
Bri and I stared at it silently for a few moments before picking it up. We fiddled with it for a while, but the screen remained blank. Without saying anything, we put it aside.
“Well? What now?” Bri asked. “Should we head back?”
Nora shook her head and said, “I don’t think that’ll work. To be honest, I think we’ve been driving in circles for a while now.”
I looked at her and shrugged. Bri pulled out her phone, but shook her head and put it down. I took it from her and looked at it. There wasn’t any signal. As for the radio, all we were getting was static.
“Just keep driving.” Bri said. I nodded in agreement, hoping that we would end up somewhere that was recognizable.
As the car kept moving, I felt an annoying pressure in my ears. It was the feeling that one got when they were on a plane.
“I think we’re going up a mountain.” I said. No one answered, so I slumped back into my seat and looked out the window. The fog was so thick that I couldn’t even see the pavement anymore.
After what seemed like an eternity, we began to see trees appear on the sides of the road. The fog was finally clearing up. However, the sky was also dark. We had been on the road for so long that the sun had already set. Soon, we all decided that we needed to find somewhere to spend the night.
“I think I see a house,” Nora observed quietly. I sat up and looked out the windshield and sure enough, there was a faint silhouette at the edge of the road. We drove up to it and looked up at the towering building. It was like one of those old houses you would see in scary movies.
Reluctantly, we got out of the car and approached the house. Nora went and knocked on the door as Bri and I stood behind her warily. I clung onto Bri’s shoulder, ready to bolt back to the car if something scary appeared. Despite our expectations, no one answered the door. Nora then tried the doorknob.
“It’s unlocked,” she murmured before opening the door and stepping inside.
“Are you sure it’s okay to go in?” I asked. After all, I didn’t think that it was smart to enter someone’s house uninvited.
“Well you’re welcome to sleep outside if you want,” Bri said as she walked into the dark confines of the house.
I looked back at the car, which seemed quite eerie in the dark glow of the night. A chilly breeze swept by, sending shivers down my back, which was strange, considering it was in the middle of the summer. Without any more hesitations, I hustled into the house as well.
“Hello?” Nora called, her voice ringing in the foyer. Still, there was no reply except for her echo.
“Shut up, Nora!” Bri snapped. “It’s already clear that no one’s in this house. I just want to find somewhere to sleep now.”
“You never know,” Nora said indignantly, “There might be other people like us crashing here.”
They continued to argue, but I tuned out. Instead, I looked around the room, hoping to find some clue as to where we were. A dimly lit chandelier hung above us, making the room more or less visible. Something was strange, though, and when I looked more closely, I saw a pair of black gloves hanging on the chandelier. What was even stranger was that the gloves looked like they had been neatly folded and placed there, rather than tossed up and caught there.
“Hey Bri,” I said, trying to bring this to her attention, but decided against it when I saw her irritated face.
“You know what? I’m going to go to sleep and we can figure out this stupid pace tomorrow,” Bri huffed before storming down the hall.
I looked at Nora briefly, who shrugged, before we began chasing after Bri.
We quickly caught up with her and began a search of the place. The house was rather expansive, so we kept looking through doors in order to find a place with a bed. While the place seemed empty, I still felt like I was going to have a heart attack every time we cracked a door open. The corridor was also lined with portraits of people that I couldn’t recognize. Their eyes seemed to follow us wherever we went, which only freaked me out more. Finally, we found a room with a rather large bed.
“Let’s just sleep here. I’m done looking through all these rooms,” Nora sighed as she walked in. Bri and I nodded as we followed her inside. The bed was rather comfy and soon, we all settled in. It didn’t take long for us to drift to sleep, seeing as the day had been rather tiring.
I woke up a few hours later. It was still dark and I would’ve gone back to sleep if not for one thing: I needed to use the restroom. I remembered there was one down the hall that we found when we were searching the house. The dim hallway gave me an eerie feeling, though, so I tried to wake one of the others. However, they just turned over and kept sleeping when I shook their shoulders. Deciding that waking them unnecessary, I got up and went into the hallway alone.
The hallway was rather cold compared to the confines of the warm covers. I shuddered and hurried down the hall to the bathroom. Without the other two, it felt like all the paintings had their eyes focused on me. By the time I was aware, I was bolting down the hall, my footsteps echoing loudly between the walls.
The slam of the door seemed to shake the ground as I ducked into the bathroom and pulled the door shut. I locked the door before turning around. Still terrified, I turned over every nook and cranny of the bathroom, making sure there wasn’t anything suspicious. After I opened and closed the last drawer, I sighed with relief and did my business. I knew that I was only scaring myself. I always did. However, just as I had calmed down, I was facing the door again.
All I had to do was unlock the door and go back to the bedroom, but I felt my fear come back. How did I know what was behind that door? Without my friends, I couldn’t muster up the courage to open the door and face the hall of pastel faces. I turned around and sunk down, leaning against the door. I tried to think of peaceful things and calm myself down, but the only things that came to mind were ghost stories and serial killers. I closed my eyes, trying to clear the thought, but they didn’t seem to want to leave.
A creak sounded behind the door and I sat up, alerted. I didn’t move, hoping that the noise would go away if I stayed still. However, the creak sounded again. I bent down and hugged my head, telling myself that it was just something trivial like the wind. My mind just didn’t want to be convinced though, and the worst possibilities began springing in my head. I wanted to peek under the crack of the door and see if anything was visible in the hallway, but I was even more afraid that I would see something putrid like a giant yellow eye peering back at me. The thought made my heart clench and I inched away from the door, curling up into a ball. It was just too much. I covered my face and wished that it was all a dream. It was in these thoughts that I scared my consciousness into hibernation and my head hit the cold tile of the bathroom floor.
I woke up to a light in my face. Rubbing my eyes, I sat up and realized that I was sitting on grass, which was slightly dampened by the morning dew. In front of me, the source of the light stood. It was a police officer, who was shining his flashlight right in my face.
“Excuse me, but I need to ask you a few questions,” he said, suspicion written all over his face.
I furrowed my brow and tilted my head in a puzzled manner. “Okay,” I replied slowly, unsure what was going on.
“Earlier, we found two bodies nearby and you were the only person around. Could you please tell me what happened?” he asked. Behind him, I could see a few other officers carrying away two things covered in white sheets. A gust of wind swept the sheets up and I caught a glimpse of the two faces.
“Nora! Bri!” I screamed and I tried to run to them, but the officer grabbed my arm and held me back. I struggled against the firm grip, but could not do anything except watch my friends, who were now lifeless and cold, be carried away.
Later, I told them what I just told you. They didn’t believe me, and said I was crazy. I was then charged with murder and convicted by a skeptical jury who didn’t believe me either. So now, I’m telling you the story, and I’ll tell you something else, too. I swear, when the police were escorting me from the place, I saw on the branches of a tree, those neatly folded gloves, hanging like they did on the chandelier.
WE were heading somewhere fun. That’s really all I knew. One of my friends, Nora, suggested that we go somewhere during summer break. I think she mentioned something like a seaside cottage, but that doesn’t matter. What matters was that she was going to take us somewhere in her car and that we all piled into that car. There were three of us: her, Bri, and I.
We were all good friends, so time didn’t seem to matter as we joked around in the car and did other stupid things that friends do. In fact, we were having so much fun that we didn’t see that we had gotten off the main road. We didn’t even notice the thickening fog.
Nora, who was driving, was the first to notice that something was off. After all, she was the one that was supposed to know where to go.
“I don’t really know where we are...” she mumbled as she squinted her eyes to peer through the fog.
“Turn on the GPS,” I piped in.
“Already did,” Nora said as she tossed the small machine to the back seats; “it’s not working.”
Bri and I stared at it silently for a few moments before picking it up. We fiddled with it for a while, but the screen remained blank. Without saying anything, we put it aside.
“Well? What now?” Bri asked. “Should we head back?”
Nora shook her head and said, “I don’t think that’ll work. To be honest, I think we’ve been driving in circles for a while now.”
I looked at her and shrugged. Bri pulled out her phone, but shook her head and put it down. I took it from her and looked at it. There wasn’t any signal. As for the radio, all we were getting was static.
“Just keep driving.” Bri said. I nodded in agreement, hoping that we would end up somewhere that was recognizable.
As the car kept moving, I felt an annoying pressure in my ears. It was the feeling that one got when they were on a plane.
“I think we’re going up a mountain.” I said. No one answered, so I slumped back into my seat and looked out the window. The fog was so thick that I couldn’t even see the pavement anymore.
After what seemed like an eternity, we began to see trees appear on the sides of the road. The fog was finally clearing up. However, the sky was also dark. We had been on the road for so long that the sun had already set. Soon, we all decided that we needed to find somewhere to spend the night.
“I think I see a house,” Nora observed quietly. I sat up and looked out the windshield and sure enough, there was a faint silhouette at the edge of the road. We drove up to it and looked up at the towering building. It was like one of those old houses you would see in scary movies.
Reluctantly, we got out of the car and approached the house. Nora went and knocked on the door as Bri and I stood behind her warily. I clung onto Bri’s shoulder, ready to bolt back to the car if something scary appeared. Despite our expectations, no one answered the door. Nora then tried the doorknob.
“It’s unlocked,” she murmured before opening the door and stepping inside.
“Are you sure it’s okay to go in?” I asked. After all, I didn’t think that it was smart to enter someone’s house uninvited.
“Well you’re welcome to sleep outside if you want,” Bri said as she walked into the dark confines of the house.
I looked back at the car, which seemed quite eerie in the dark glow of the night. A chilly breeze swept by, sending shivers down my back, which was strange, considering it was in the middle of the summer. Without any more hesitations, I hustled into the house as well.
“Hello?” Nora called, her voice ringing in the foyer. Still, there was no reply except for her echo.
“Shut up, Nora!” Bri snapped. “It’s already clear that no one’s in this house. I just want to find somewhere to sleep now.”
“You never know,” Nora said indignantly, “There might be other people like us crashing here.”
They continued to argue, but I tuned out. Instead, I looked around the room, hoping to find some clue as to where we were. A dimly lit chandelier hung above us, making the room more or less visible. Something was strange, though, and when I looked more closely, I saw a pair of black gloves hanging on the chandelier. What was even stranger was that the gloves looked like they had been neatly folded and placed there, rather than tossed up and caught there.
“Hey Bri,” I said, trying to bring this to her attention, but decided against it when I saw her irritated face.
“You know what? I’m going to go to sleep and we can figure out this stupid pace tomorrow,” Bri huffed before storming down the hall.
I looked at Nora briefly, who shrugged, before we began chasing after Bri.
We quickly caught up with her and began a search of the place. The house was rather expansive, so we kept looking through doors in order to find a place with a bed. While the place seemed empty, I still felt like I was going to have a heart attack every time we cracked a door open. The corridor was also lined with portraits of people that I couldn’t recognize. Their eyes seemed to follow us wherever we went, which only freaked me out more. Finally, we found a room with a rather large bed.
“Let’s just sleep here. I’m done looking through all these rooms,” Nora sighed as she walked in. Bri and I nodded as we followed her inside. The bed was rather comfy and soon, we all settled in. It didn’t take long for us to drift to sleep, seeing as the day had been rather tiring.
I woke up a few hours later. It was still dark and I would’ve gone back to sleep if not for one thing: I needed to use the restroom. I remembered there was one down the hall that we found when we were searching the house. The dim hallway gave me an eerie feeling, though, so I tried to wake one of the others. However, they just turned over and kept sleeping when I shook their shoulders. Deciding that waking them unnecessary, I got up and went into the hallway alone.
The hallway was rather cold compared to the confines of the warm covers. I shuddered and hurried down the hall to the bathroom. Without the other two, it felt like all the paintings had their eyes focused on me. By the time I was aware, I was bolting down the hall, my footsteps echoing loudly between the walls.
The slam of the door seemed to shake the ground as I ducked into the bathroom and pulled the door shut. I locked the door before turning around. Still terrified, I turned over every nook and cranny of the bathroom, making sure there wasn’t anything suspicious. After I opened and closed the last drawer, I sighed with relief and did my business. I knew that I was only scaring myself. I always did. However, just as I had calmed down, I was facing the door again.
All I had to do was unlock the door and go back to the bedroom, but I felt my fear come back. How did I know what was behind that door? Without my friends, I couldn’t muster up the courage to open the door and face the hall of pastel faces. I turned around and sunk down, leaning against the door. I tried to think of peaceful things and calm myself down, but the only things that came to mind were ghost stories and serial killers. I closed my eyes, trying to clear the thought, but they didn’t seem to want to leave.
A creak sounded behind the door and I sat up, alerted. I didn’t move, hoping that the noise would go away if I stayed still. However, the creak sounded again. I bent down and hugged my head, telling myself that it was just something trivial like the wind. My mind just didn’t want to be convinced though, and the worst possibilities began springing in my head. I wanted to peek under the crack of the door and see if anything was visible in the hallway, but I was even more afraid that I would see something putrid like a giant yellow eye peering back at me. The thought made my heart clench and I inched away from the door, curling up into a ball. It was just too much. I covered my face and wished that it was all a dream. It was in these thoughts that I scared my consciousness into hibernation and my head hit the cold tile of the bathroom floor.
I woke up to a light in my face. Rubbing my eyes, I sat up and realized that I was sitting on grass, which was slightly dampened by the morning dew. In front of me, the source of the light stood. It was a police officer, who was shining his flashlight right in my face.
“Excuse me, but I need to ask you a few questions,” he said, suspicion written all over his face.
I furrowed my brow and tilted my head in a puzzled manner. “Okay,” I replied slowly, unsure what was going on.
“Earlier, we found two bodies nearby and you were the only person around. Could you please tell me what happened?” he asked. Behind him, I could see a few other officers carrying away two things covered in white sheets. A gust of wind swept the sheets up and I caught a glimpse of the two faces.
“Nora! Bri!” I screamed and I tried to run to them, but the officer grabbed my arm and held me back. I struggled against the firm grip, but could not do anything except watch my friends, who were now lifeless and cold, be carried away.
Later, I told them what I just told you. They didn’t believe me, and said I was crazy. I was then charged with murder and convicted by a skeptical jury who didn’t believe me either. So now, I’m telling you the story, and I’ll tell you something else, too. I swear, when the police were escorting me from the place, I saw on the branches of a tree, those neatly folded gloves, hanging like they did on the chandelier.
